After a tutorial with the tutor, Phil, improvements to the refined animatic were suggested to me I have made the necessary changes, and I am rather pleased with this version. Please let me know what you think. Be as honest as possible!!
1) I'd lose the 'no animals were harmed' title from the front - logically disclaimers like this go at the end of the film; cutting immediately to the old-school countdown sequence is much better at setting up the mood, so I'd begin with that.
2) I still think you're missing opportunties for a bunch of cut-aways to enliven further the structure of your film. The one you have included (about the radio) is much too short - it's blink and you miss it. If you're going to commit to these memory moments, then let your audience enjoy them with sufficient time to take in the imagery. I'm going to make a number of suggestions for cut-aways - which the images in the character's dialogue just seems to cry out for:
1) Honey/Insects/breakfast - surely there's a great visual gag here - insects in frying pans like sausages or some such nonsense. image!
2) The boat was rather weighed down though... image!
3) It was a lovely starry night ... shooting stars, stars with faces, man in the moon - image!
Oh - I don't like the 'beatbox instead' gag - why? Well, because while the anachronism is amusing, I find this a bit distracting. You've set up this old-school world and 'beat box' feels too much to me. Another gag maybe?
4) The sand, the moon, the dancing - this should absolutely be another animated sequence - I see this when I hear those words...
Hey Urvashi,
ReplyDeleteOkay - lots of feedback for you:
1) I'd lose the 'no animals were harmed' title from the front - logically disclaimers like this go at the end of the film; cutting immediately to the old-school countdown sequence is much better at setting up the mood, so I'd begin with that.
2) I still think you're missing opportunties for a bunch of cut-aways to enliven further the structure of your film. The one you have included (about the radio) is much too short - it's blink and you miss it. If you're going to commit to these memory moments, then let your audience enjoy them with sufficient time to take in the imagery. I'm going to make a number of suggestions for cut-aways - which the images in the character's dialogue just seems to cry out for:
1) Honey/Insects/breakfast - surely there's a great visual gag here - insects in frying pans like sausages or some such nonsense. image!
2) The boat was rather weighed down though... image!
3) It was a lovely starry night ... shooting stars, stars with faces, man in the moon - image!
Oh - I don't like the 'beatbox instead' gag - why? Well, because while the anachronism is amusing, I find this a bit distracting. You've set up this old-school world and 'beat box' feels too much to me. Another gag maybe?
4) The sand, the moon, the dancing - this should absolutely be another animated sequence - I see this when I hear those words...
http://jackvettrianoprints.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/The-Singing-Butler1.jpg
This should absolutely be a scene of them at their most in love and romantic!
oh - and I'm sure you've seen this already, but if not enjoy - and do watch it again for rubber-hose/early animation reference! :)
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-KChYBFiB0